We are so happy to be a part of the 2015 Beauty Revived Campaign for Seniors. We talked to so many BEAUTIFUL girls throughout this campaign, and I happy to present you with our winner.... Sophie Barnes. She is a Mountain Brook Senior, and this girl has ana amzing story. Struggling with self image, promiscuity, cutting, and just an overall unhealthy way of life, this Senior has gotten it all together and is now on a mission to help other Seniors that feel the same way. 

As part of the Campaign, we had PInk Tulip CLothing, Elite Boutique, and Skin and Tonic help give this winner the experience of a lifetime, and the shoot of one. Below are some pictures from this very unique high school senior shoot, and some information about the campaign we are so happy to be a part of! Check it out!

Eighteen months ago I returned home from wilderness therapy.  It was February and I had been taken at 5 AM nine days before Christmas to a mountain in Georgia.  I was isolated for three days, on watch for two-and-a-half weeks, and lived in the rain and snow for 14 weeks in one of the coldest winters to date.  I learned to bust a fire using two sticks, some string, and a rock.  I learned to cook dehydrated meals with vegetables and ate raw granola and oats every morning.  I learned to toilet over a hole that I had dug, beforehand spending at least an hour hacking at the frozen, icy ground with a handheld shovel.  I learned to pitch a tarp between two trees and sleep on the slanted, root-covered ground of the Georgia Blue Ridge mountains in clean, dry socks that I had carefully preserved and warmed during the day.  I learned to hang a bear bag at least 15 feet off the ground to protect my food at night.  I carved a spoon using wood I found on the ground and a pocket knife (they carefully monitored us when handling sharp objects, of course!).  I gained 40 pounds of muscle and determination and self-worth.

I had been so desperate for love and so fearful of being alone that I would do anything for attention.  I had progressed from first guiltily sexting when a boy I liked asked me to send pictures at age 13.  At 15 and in search of love and external validation, I started talking to older boys who showed an interest in me.  They asked me to send nude photos that they then showed to the entire varsity football team.  To reclaim my lost power, I chose to send pictures and act promiscuously.  I sent nudes to seniors, to my male “friends” and to friends of my brother’s when they asked.  And they all asked.  I decided it was okay for them to see my body if I actually chose to show it to them, only now do I realize how naive I was.  This was when I really realized the power I could have over boys.  I was developing bad habits and using poor coping skills. During wilderness, I realized that I was using sex as an escape.  I had disrespected my parents and my brother and my family; but most of all, I disrespected myself.  I lost my sense of self-respect.  Friends lost trust.  

The second time I drank at age 15, my friends told me that the friend who gave me the drink knew it was spiked with molly.  I felt betrayed and angry, but still enjoyed the feeling.  I started drinking my parents’ wine with friends who came over.  I smoked weed with any and all boys who showed an interest in me.   I went so far as kissing boys in exchange for packs of cigarettes.  I took codeine with my boyfriend who was miles away on the phone, cutting himself saying he wanted scars to match mine.  I took oxycodone, hydrocodone, Lortab and Xanax from my grandfather’s medicine cabinet the morning he died and mixed them in different ways for the next few days.  I had carved an X in both cheeks and cut my neck a dozen times.  I was trying to meet my needs for freedom and power and control.  I now realize how immature I was and I am mortified, but not ashamed.  I often found myself caught in the shame cycle, but have since learned that rather than be ashamed, if I accept my past and take accountability for my mistakes, I can forgive myself.

I do not remember examples of not eating, simply because I do not remember all the details of all the instances in which I denied myself nourishment.  I reached a point where I felt I didn’t deserve food, and tried to have as little as possible.  Two years ago I created a Tumblr account with the username “Ic3inmyv3ins.”  The validation I received on this website made me think that not only were my behaviors normal, they were acceptable.  The first time I cut myself with an x-acto knife I was fifteen.  I cut my hand 39 times because my needs for love and belonging and power and control were not being met.  And I wanted the boy who had at first requested “pictures” to be sorry that he no longer wanted me.  I burned myself with tweezers because I was mad because I felt ugly.  I cut the top of my tricep deep.  I carved “ugly” and “ew” into my stomach.  I cut my wrist with a kitchen knife and my dad had to take me to get stitches.  My dad told me it wasn’t the X’s that I carved in my face, it was when I pierced the cartilage of my ear while taking pills in the basement that he knew I wouldn’t stop.  That, and the call he got the night of my grandfather’s funeral from a concerned parent worried I was going to kill myself.  I’ve been to the emergency room twice for stitches.  I spent three days in Psych at Children’s hospital.  I would be dead had I not gone to wilderness. 

 Does lupus explain my behaviors?  Maybe.  But, raise your hand if you’re struggling.  Raise your hand if you are scared.  Raise your hand if you are not eating, if you are cutting or you are pretending to be someone you are not.  Whether you have lupus too, or not, you are not coping well and you have a problem.  You may be disappointed in yourself, ashamed of your choices, or you may not feel bad at all about your choices.  If you seek power and control, love and belonging, fun, and/or freedom, then don’t lie to fit in.  Don’t pretend to be something you’re not, be accountable instead.  I am here to tell you that though it may be cliche, it does get better.  I am here as living, breathing proof that life goes on, and not only does it go on, it really does get better.  I have earned back the trust and respect of many of my peers and friends, I have learned to control my negative, intrusive thoughts, and I will be heading off to Mississippi State in the fall.   Look inside, you are beautiful.  Your beauty is waiting to come out and an x-acto knife, or any other method of self harm/mutilation, cannot remove it.  Find someone who sees your beauty.  If you need someone, find me.  I am Sophie Barnes.  I am not perfect, but I am accountable.  And I am beautiful. "